The opposite of stress isn’t rest — it’s play

While listening to an On Being episode where Krista Tippett interviewed Jacqueline Novogratz (founder and CEO of Acumen), I heard Novogratz say that the opposite of poverty is not wealth but dignity. 

And I love that. Working towards dignity is much more constructive and outcomes-oriented than simply working towards wealth. (Because what is that wealth about? What it affords us. But what it affords us given the current systems we live within is the real goal, not the money in and of itself.) 

Beyond the immediate example in that statement though, is the concept that sometimes the literal opposite is not the actual opposite. It’s easy enough to find statements of what people are against, and so much rarer for people to state what they are for.

In a broader context, sometimes we try to solve a problem by doing its literal opposite. And often, that’s not a particularly useful strategy.

Have you ever tried to tell a stressed-out person to relax?

Have you ever been the extremely stressed person who snaps back at the person who told you to relax because when has relaxing ever solved ANYTHING?!?!?!

*Raises hand for both*

While relaxation is the goal, we don’t get there by relaxing—by resting or lounging around doing nothing. At least, not if we’re already stressed. Because let me tell you from personal experience: you can absolutely lounge around in pajamas doing nothing all day and be highly stressed the whole time. (Or basically, this is relaxing as the verb without the outcome of feeling relaxed.)

I once worked with someone (thanks, Joe!) who told me that the key to getting someone to stop doing something is not telling them to stop, but to get them to replace it with another behavior. Ideally, the replacement behavior is such that you cannot do the behavior you’re trying to stop at the same time (think chewing gum and smoking).

So think about the last time you played. If that feels hard because you can’t remember the last time you had fun (or trying to figure out what constitutes play is stressing you out), think about the last time you had a good laugh. The kind of laugh where you’re holding your belly, gasping for air, and maybe even tearing up a little.

Could you be stressed at the same time? Did your body feel looser afterwards?

That’s what fun feels like.

Play forces us to be present. If we’re not present, we’re not having fun, and it stops being play. Meanwhile, stress is usually about something upcoming—not the present moment.

If you can’t remember how to play, then start small. Take a play break with your pet (or a friend’s). Have a 5-minute dance party. Draw some terrible art. Play with your food and make a scene on the plate. Make silly faces at a baby. Skip down the street because you can. Use a picture of your dream house as a background for your next video call. Get creative with your outfit for no reason besides feeling like it. Step outside and blow some bubbles. If there are ways you like to play, go for it!

But all work and no play makes us all very stressed out and no fun to be around.